When I was faced with those same diet and lifestyle changes a few years ago, I felt that not only was my body working against me, I was now being punished even more by no longer being able to eat any of my favorite foods.

Studies have shown that meditating as little as 12 minutes a day over an eight week period can produce noticeable changes in the brain. These changes include decreased levels of anxiety, increased immune function and an overall boost in happiness and well-being.

Over the past few months I have been working on really leaning into my discomfort, and sitting with emotions that are not so pleasant. Allowing them to breathe; to simply be. Allowing them to exist without judging or personalizing any of it. Being one of those "bury the negative deep down inside" kind of people, allowing pain, suffering and anger to "just be" doesn’t come naturally to me in the least. This is why I need to continue doing the work. This is why I need to push myself into those uncomfortable places. So that I can learn to experience that discomfort, yet still maintain my peace and joy.

All my life I have struggled to feel at home in my own body. As far back as I can remember I have always felt that it was less than. Less than what a real and complete person should be. The first time I starved myself I was around 11 years old. That went on for almost a full year. Stealing my mother’s Slim Fast, hiding uneaten food, throwing out school lunches to make it look like I ate. This is just what girls did to their bodies. They starved themselves, mind and body, to shrink down far enough that they could reach the ideal: the unhealthy and unattainable Perfect Woman.

When there is imbalance in one area of life, it is bound to start showing up in other places as well. Sometimes it presents as a lack of self-compassion or self love. Sometimes it's a loss of interest in hobbies or passions. Other times we may stop seeing friends and family. Sometimes we don't even notice what we're loosing to the imbalance.

Today marks three years without a drink.

Three years without benders, blackouts or waking up to feel that sinking pit of regret in my stomach.

Three years of facing all the demons that I buried so deep beneath layers of self medication and distraction.

We have all been there before.

That feeling of having all the air sucked out of you that instant you feel your heart break.

The pit in your stomach tightens and grows, the blood rushes from your face, your breathing becomes so shallow that you can't even feel it pass your lips....the shock of it all.